You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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