doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
