i think my mom watched the whole time
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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