I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
