i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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