You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize