According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
