Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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