Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
