sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you win again, gameday.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize