I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
