I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
