i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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