I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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