I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
