and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
