College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
either way he was missing a nipple.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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