I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
