Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think people are normalizing furries
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