Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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