when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
