I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
