Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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