im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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