remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Floor bacon is actually really good
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