Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I miss vodka workout Fridays
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
