i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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