The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize