I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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