Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
