He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
