you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
