yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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