True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize