guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
