doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
