It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize