i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize