Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
