i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
