her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
