A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
