It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
