the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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