i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
