At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
