Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
