Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
