I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
