I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They took my balls.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
