ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
