o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
