At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
