he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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