Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You are a genius and a whore.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
