I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
