She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
