dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize