You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
