She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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