i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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