found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
