Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
