I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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