Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
