I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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