i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
