I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
