he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
