real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
