You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
