I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
