Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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